My Hauntings

My Hauntings

For years, I have experienced what I call my hauntings.  These events are not Halloween-like hauntings or ghoulish feelings that create fear and terror within me.  My hauntings come rather as nagging questions begging answers, understandings, or explanations.  They can be both personal and professional issues that will not rest until I address them in some fashion.  My hauntings are like what Edgar Allan Poe describes in The Raven.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door--
Only this and nothing more."

My hauntings do not come like Poe's raven "perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door" but very often late at night while I am at my computer.  Nonetheless, I benefit from them once I address the hauntings in some manner. 

An example of one of my hauntings occurred while I was traveling in Myanmar.  Of all my various trips to faraway places around the world, that single trip was the best trip that I have ever taken for many reasons.  Myanmar is a military dictatorship.  However, I was invited to attend a protest rally near Sule Pagoda in Yangon.  It reminded me of the civil rights protest rallies back in the 60s.  That protest rally at Sule Pagoda was a transformative event for me. 

A couple days after returning home from Myanmar, I had a routine office visit with my cardiologist, Dr. Marchand.  Everything was fine with my heart.  Nevertheless, he asked me if I had any questions for him.  I asked him a non-cardiovascular question about my being wired.  He responded, "You have seen the light."  Dr. Marchand's response caused me to address both his response and my haunting regarding being driven.

Interestingly, my hauntings rattle me until I act.  When I act, the outcome, about which I had procrastinated addressing, is often a blessing or at least a relief.  When I attempt to deal some personal or professional haunting, if I fail, at least I tried while daring greatly

This essay is the archetypal example of my hauntings.


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